Tuesday, May 30, 2006

National Gallery


Since I was in Ottawa for business, I decided to visit our National Art Gallery. I had been there before, but it was quite some time ago. Emily Carr was the featured show and having, on the west coast, seen more Emily Carr than I would like, I chose only to purchase my ticket for the permanent collection.
I do love art and our National Gallery does have quite a collection. Perhaps it pales in comparison to some of the more famous galleries in the world, but as far as galleries go, we deserve to be proud of our collection. We have, for example, a nice smattering of the more famous French Impressionists. Perhaps, just enough to wet the appetite for more. But were I the curator, I'm sure I'd be satisfied with the foreign content. There is just enough to provide a great opportunity to compare our own artists with those more globally noticed. For nothing in the gallery is as luminous and stunning as Tom Thompson's The Jack Pine. Such an ordinary Ontarian view. The sort that every cottager has seen time and again. And yet, on his canvas, through his visionary eyes, it is simply awesome. While working your way through the adjacent room, if you are fortunate enough to glance in the direction of this scene, it will arrest you in your tracks. It leaps from the wall. It is simple and gorgeous and no electronic image may do it justice. Next to it sits a second masterpiece: Tom Thompson's Northern River. More subtle and sedate, it draws you in with it's complexity. The intertwined branches parting slightly to reveal a bend in the river. I would be hard pressed to choose a favourite.
I was still bubbling with enthusiasm, still feeling great about art itself, when I stumbled into the more contemporary artists. While balancing a piece of steel on its end is impressive, I struggle to see the art in it. Nor can I justify an entire room for a video of a man pumping a pplastic bottle full of air until it shoots into the air. I want my art to be made by artisans. I want technical excellence. I want an image that captivates through beauty, or horror, or well something. Instead I found myself in front of the Voice of Fire. What a grotesque waste of money. I understand that the work has appreciated since we the taxpayer shelled out 1.8 million for it. But appreciated in whose eyes? Who are these lunatics who would pay more for three stripes? It hangs in a room littered with nonsensical pretentious crap. A big black painting with a yellow stripe down the side. A white canvas with a few stripes. But it dominates the room, not the way The Jack Pine dominates the room. Not by transporting you to a distant place. No, it dominates by sheer size alone. Eighteen feet of stripes. It is not a "modern masterpiece, a mythical work for a secular age" and having stood before it, I for one cannot attest to the notion that it "floods our consciousness with a sublime sense of awe and tranquility".
Just when I was feeling down about the direction of art. About the ever widening gap between people and so called artists creating art for a self declared elite as if the world didn't matter. I saw this face sitting amongst so many bits of the emperors new art. To give you a perspective, this baby and I, we stood eye to eye. The detail was consuming. The face massive. It forced you to stare. It forces us to say, "we can do better than a great big stripe."

Another annoying puzzle game

Friday, May 19, 2006

May Two Four

I have always loved how Queen Victoria's birthday gets bastardized into the most appropriate name possible - May Two Four. An inside joke for all Canadians. Or so I thought. For those born and raised on the west coast, the turn of phrase is lost. When the people of this strange land buy a "case" of beer, they expect to receive a mere twelve bottles.
Maybe, just like their love of specialty coffee, it comes from a love of specialty beer, but a case as I have always known it is never called a two four. While it is rarely referred to, when it is, it's a flat.
A flat sounds a lot bigger to me. Like it should be somewhere between a two four and keg. Like it should cover a picnic table. It should require tools to carry it, or perhaps beerbearers standing on either side holding on to sticks running the length of the flat like medics on the battlefield or hunters coming home with a kill.
Regardless, I'm off to buy a lot of beer and in the spirit of the holiday, whether I buy it in sixes or twelves or twenty fours, it will get there in a case called Coleman.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

The List

We, my friends and I, talk about the list a lot, but nailing it down is tougher than I thought. But nail it down you should. It is an ever evolving thing I agree, but were it to hold water in a Kangaroo court of peers, it needs to be publicly declared.
Now, I too am tempted to cheat by naming groups or classes of people. But an open pass for all Pole Vaulters (ah, Pole Vaulters - such perfect bodies. Strength for the speed and the spring and lean enough to fly.) leads to an open pass to Heptathletes, then to track, then to athletes in general. No, this is list that is hard to create - as much a comment on yourself as on them, spoken in both who you've chosen and who you've been forced to ommit. (I'm sorry Milla, it just hasn't been the same since the Fifth Element.)
So, while I retain the right to amend the following, as it stands these are my five exemptions. Any indescretions with the following individuals can not be construed as having any reflection on my relationship with Donna.










Cate Blanchett - captivating, enigmatic, this woman steals the show time and time again.













Diane Lane - such an attractive woman, a beautiful balance of strength and vulnerability.













Jennifer Aniston - Brad you fool, you fool.










Kate Beckinsale - as Ava Gardner or a vampire clad in latex, she is a woman with timeless beauty.










Nicole Kidman - she can be so beautiful and so cold, she is magnetic.


PS For those who are curious, Donna's list includes Allen Iverson, Gael Garcia Bernal, George Clooney, Johnny Depp, and Matt Good. (With josh Hartnett making a strong run for the top.)